


I Drive Alone

by thepudz



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Crying, Driving, F/F, I Made Myself Cry, Nostalgia, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Sad, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28809552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepudz/pseuds/thepudz
Summary: It's been two months since the break-up with Adora. Catra thought she'd be over it by now. But driving past Adora's street only brings painful, nostalgic memories. Catra still loves her. And she hopes that maybe, just maybe, Adora still holds some love too. On the day she receives her driver's license, Catra decides to visit Adora one last time.ORAn angsty Catradora one-shot inspired by Olivia Rodrigo's 'drivers license', in which Catra is still trying to come to terms with breaking up with Adora, and eventually tries to reconnect with her ex-girlfriend.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 56





	I Drive Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because 'drivers license' made me cry at 2am and I needed some way to get my angst down. I also wrote this in the span of a few hours and now I need to lie down and recover. I hope y'all enjoy! Thank you! <3

Catra hated the photo on her driver’s license.

She looked like she was glaring at the camera with the eyes of death. She hated how messy her hair was, and how her eyes were practically half-closed. And yet, it was a picture she’d be stuck with for a while. It was something else she screwed up.

She sighed, placing the license back in the glove box. The red afternoon sun shined in through her driver’s side window, filling her car with the same orange hue as the rest of the sky. She was parked outside the local DMV, finally passing every requirement she needed to get her hands on this license.

She thought she’d be more excited about it. After all, she always wanted to go wherever she wanted at whatever time she wanted. Whether it be a food store or a movie theatre. The chance for freedom that this license offered was meant to be thrilling.

But Catra felt nothing like that. Because no matter where she’d go, her passenger seat would be empty.

It’d been two months, and yet the hole in Catra’s heart still felt raw. She never thought she’d become so co-dependent on someone in her life. She used to pride herself on being her own person and following her own path.

And yet Adora changed all that.

Their relationship lasted nearly two years. Catra thought it’d be forever. Despite all the warnings about how young love never lasts, she thought their relationship would be the exception. She truly, truly believed things would last.

Adora was the first person she came out as a lesbian to. She was the one Catra felt the most comfortable and safe with. They always had sleepovers and stayed up to three in the morning talking about life. They took walks together and watched the sunset. And eventually, she felt confident enough to hold her hand in public.

Maybe it wasn’t perfect all the time. No relationship ever is. But Catra had never felt that way for anyone else. Even to this day, that raw love was never directed at anyone else.

But everything came crashing down when Adora told her that it was over.

Catra remembered the exact the words. “I just don’t feel that spark anymore… I’m sorry. I don’t think this is going to work out.” Those words that left Catra completely stunned. It took hours to process them, and yet it made her cry within seconds.

Catra still loved her. Two months later, she still loved Adora so much. She saw her in classes so often, and yet they rarely talked these days. It was like she was a stranger all over again.

Catra sighed, shaking her head and sitting upright in her driver’s seat. All she needed to do was go home, maybe order some food and watch something on a streaming service to take her mind away from everything. It was a Saturday afternoon. The perfect time to get lost and away from the world.

She turned the key in the ignition and brought her car to life. It wasn’t exactly the newest or more pristine car around, but it got the job done, and it let her listen to whatever music she wanted. She reversed out of the park, and promptly merged onto the road.

There was no sound except for the gentle roar of the engine and the occasional gust of wind from outside. The drive home was only going to be twenty minutes. But the roads there took Catra through suburbs and populated towns.

And, most dreaded of all, it took her through the same suburb where Adora lived.

Catra almost wanted to see if there was a back way around. Some way to avoid it. But at the same time, something in her heart told her to simply go forward anyway. Two months was enough time, maybe it won’t hurt as much. That’s what she thought, anyway.

But even the places nearby Adora’s suburb were beginning to bring painful nostalgia.

The skatepark she passed by on the left was where she and Adora often walked through on a shortcut to town. The sidewalks they used to cross, hand-in-hand. Even the buildings served as memories to distant conversations about love, life and joy.

Catra felt her stomach grow heavy. But the feeling became even worse when she turned right and began to drive on Adora’s street.

For some reason, her heart began to pound rapidly. It almost caused her to be short of breath. She thought opening a window on the car might help, but even then, her throat felt tight. These streets were filled with nearly two years of memories.

Memories she could never, ever get back.

She looked over to her left at just the right time. She knew exactly where Adora’s house was. What number it was. And before Catra could even fully think about it, she pulled over to the side of the road and brought her car to a stop.

“What are you doing…?” She spoke to herself. There was no reason for this. Her home was just ten minutes away. She had promised herself that she’d never do this. But her heart was crying out for love. She yearned for closeness.

So when she looked at Adora’s house, she thought maybe, just maybe, something might turn this all around.

The house looked the same as always. Two storeys, a freshly-mown front lawn and a wooden picket fence to separate it from the neighbors. Upstairs was Adora’s bedroom, where Catra always used to hang out with her girlfriend and just let herself relax from everything life was throwing at her.

She used to come to this house every week for nearly two years. Now she hadn’t been here in two months.

“Just drive… Just drive, dammit…” Catra said to herself, putting both her hands on the steering wheel. She kept screaming at herself internally to move forward. To let go. But her heart, her stupid heart, refused.

Just go. She needed to just go. Just leave. “Come on, Catra… Go already…” She gritted her teeth. She needed to…

But eventually, she loosened her shoulders. She sighed, and gave in. And turned off the ignition.

Opening the driver’s side door, she was greeted with a blast of warm air from the afternoon sun. It heated her skin and casted her shadow on the road as she crossed over, walking towards the front door of Adora’s house. The streets were mostly empty. Alone.

But Catra could see a car parked near the front of Adora’s home. She was here. That was almost certain.

She approached the front door. She used to be allowed to just walk right in, say a quick hello to the family and head upstairs to greet her girlfriend. It used to be that simple. Everything used to be that simple.

She brought a hand up, and yet it hesitated to knock. She wondered what she hoped she’d get out of this. She didn’t even have a clue what she was going to say. She just wanted to talk to Adora. To see her again. Maybe they could walk together like they used to. Go into town and find something to eat or something to do.

Just anything.

She had to force herself, but eventually, Catra’s knuckle tapped against the door a few times. Her brain instantly started screaming at her to run away. That this wasn’t worth it. But she stood her ground. She held onto hope. After all, who says they couldn’t just be good friends?

Footsteps. Adora’s footsteps. Catra heard them approach the front door, and her heart rate spiked. She swallowed down the nervousness, but it quicky returned. Her stomach felt like it was going to fall out of her body. She took as many deep breaths as she could, but they barely felt like they were doing anything.

And then, the front door opened. And there stood Adora.

The knot in her chest tightened. But through it all, Catra forced a smile. “Uh… Hey, Adora!” She said, giving a small wave.

“Oh…” Adora made a small noise, looking Catra up and down with those blue eyes of hers. She was wearing jeans and a button-up shirt. Nice clothes for a Saturday night. She put on a polite smile. “Uh… Hey, Catra. I wasn’t expecting you here.”

“Well, I was just driving through your street on my way home, but then I saw your place and figured… Why not stop by and say hi?” Catra shrugged. It sounded weird to say. It _was_ weird to say.

“Ah… Cool, cool…” Adora nodded, swaying back and forth awkwardly “Um… So… How… How’re things?”

“You know… Same old, same old,” she replied with a shrug. “Oh, actually, I, uh… I got my driver’s license just today.”

“Really? That’s… Wow, Catra,” Adora said with an excited exhale. “Congrats! Nice to have some freedom, I bet?”

“Oh yeah. Totally,” Catra replied. It wasn’t going bad so far. The awkwardness was there, no doubt about that. But the fact Adora even wanted to talk was good enough. “I remember when I used to be so excited about getting it. But now it’s here and it’s like… Whoa. Time just… flies by.”

“Yeah… Totally,” Adora said, her tone sounding bland. Catra didn’t want to lose this conversation. Not yet.

“Remember when we used to talk about going on road-trips across the country and stuff?” Catra said, trying to steer towards the talks they used to have. They always got so invested in them. It’d been so long.

“Yeah. I do. We’d go to… California, was it?” Adora asked, and Catra enthusiastically nodded. “I remember we planned the whole trip with a bunch of maps and everything.”

“We were up to, what, five in the morning with that whole idea?” Catra said with a gentle chuckle.

“Something like that,” Adora replied. “But… Guess we’re far too busy nowadays, huh?”

“Yeah… Yeah, we are,” Catra said softly. It was an idea she fantasized about for weeks. And yet, it was rejected with a single sentence. A few moments of silence followed as they tried to avoid eye contact. Catra suddenly cleared her throat. “So… I was kinda wondering…”

“Hm?” Adora asked.

“Would you… be interested in heading down to the cinema or something? Just… You know, hang out or whatever,” Catra offered. She never had any intention of asking Adora out again when she knocked on the door, but the words simply flowed out before her brain could stop her. “You know, now that I can drive, we can go… wherever.”

“Oh… Uh, geez… Catra, I’d like to, but I already promised Xanthe I’d see her for dinner tonight,” Adora said with an apologetic smile.

“Xanthe?” Catra asked. “From History class? I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“Well… Actually…” Adora avoided eye contact as she spoke. “We’ve… We’ve been dating for two weeks now.”

Catra’s heart sunk.

“O… Oh…” Catra replied, her eyes wide. “I… I didn’t know that.”

“We haven’t come out about it yet. Just… Well, I was kinda down in the dumps after our break-up. And… Well, she was the only one that wanted to hear me vent about everything. And then we just kept talking and…” Adora looked up to her again. “Yeah. We’re a thing now.”

“Right…” Catra said. She realized her smile had dropped temporarily, and she quickly picked it back up as best as she could. “Well… I’m happy for you two.”

“Thanks,” Adora replied.

“Then… Maybe we could hang out… Tomorrow or something?” Catra further added. She knew she should’ve stopped there. But there was a chance. She had to reach out and grab it. She had to seize the opportunity.

“I… I have to study,” Adora responded again, crossing her arms and looking at the floor.

“Well, that’s okay,” Catra replied. “How about…”

“Catra…” Adora sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head, before looking up and into her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Catra felt frozen in place. Her throat felt like it was shut completely, and the knot in her chest was pulled tight. She had to force the words out. “I… I just thought we could… You know, catch up like we used to. Have those talks and such.”

“Is this some attempt to get back together with me?” Adora asked bluntly.

“Wha… No! No, no, no, that’s not…” Catra immediately rejected the idea. She waved her hands dismissively. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Adora may have been right.

“Dammit… It’s been two months. I want to be your friend, but… These conversations are always so awkward,” Adora sighed, tightening her crossed arms. “It took me weeks to break-up with you because I was afraid of this happening. This… This distance.”

“I… I’m sorry…” Catra replied quietly. “I… I didn’t mean for…”

“I know. I know you didn’t mean for things to be like this. But they are. And I don’t think we can just fix that,” Adora said. She placed a hand on the door, refusing to make eye contact with Catra. “Just… Just go, Catra. And I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t come here unless I asked you to.”

Catra had no idea how things went wrong so quickly. But as she noticed Adora closing the door, she suddenly slammed a hand against it, stopping her. “Adora, wait!” Catra cried.

“What? What more do you possibly want from me?” Adora asked, shutting her eyes.

“I…” Catra hesitated for a few seconds. “I still love you…”

Those words made Adora’s lips slightly wobble. She looked at the floor with eyes filled with pain. But soon, those eyes were looking into Catra’s. She opened her mouth to speak. To say one final word. Catra needed that last word. She needed something. Anything.

But instead, Adora sighed. And looked away as she closed the door in Catra’s face.

Catra stood there. Stone cold. That feeling of warmth from the afternoon sun barely registered anymore. She had no permission to enter, not anymore. And the only thing she could do was turn and walk away.

Entering the car again, she wasted no time turning the key in the ignition. Her eyes were wide and her lips were beginning to tremble as a tingling feeling in her nose built up. She needed to be out of here. Far away from everything. She turned her music up high as she drove away, trying to drown out the noise of agony that rang in her ears.

Loud noises hurt her mind. But nothing could hurt more than the pain in her heart.

She drove away from Adora’s house, but the streets around her still reminded her of everything. The times they walked home from school after a long week. The times Catra got up early just to greet Adora and walk with her to school. The times they simply wandered around at two in the morning, looking at the star-filled sky and holding hands to protect each other. Moments she’d never, ever be able to get back.

Catra let out a choked sob as she ran a hand through her long hair, keeping one hand on the steering wheel as she drove. The pained sob broke into three more. She tried to hold them back, but they ripped their way through, tearing her throat on the way out.

And then, the tears began to run down her cheeks. They blurred her vision. She could barely see the roads. The lights.

Red lights. Stop signs.

She desperately tried to keep her eyes open, clear and on the road, but the tears stung so much. The sobs hurt her lungs. And she had no one to ease her pain. No shoulder to lean on. No one to hold onto. No one to vent with. No one to kiss. She had nothing anymore. Nothing but love to give to someone who didn’t want it anymore.

And so, she drove alone past Adora’s street. 


End file.
